Ptuj Says No to Cheap Flights

More important to retain atmosphere, say folks


Budget flights between Ptuj's Puh Airport and London have been cancelled due to air quality.

Budget carrier Ruinair said it was no longer willing to fly into Puh after a series of unusual weather incidents.

In the most serious of these, 127 barbecue-style chicken wings and 320kg of Poli were removed from one plane’s engines after landing.  No passengers were injured, although a member of the ground crew was later treated for hyperactivity and mild stomach ache.

Ruinair boss Mickey O’Loony said pilots had reported not being able to see out of their cockpit windows while downwind of Ptuj.

“One captain reported flying through a heavy cloud of dense brown vapour and a smell of boiling offal leaking into the aircraft.

“The engines stuttered to make something combustible out of the wet, meaty blur,” he added.

But the crew followed normal safety procedures and put on tight-fitting oxygen masks until the plane could make it to a safe latitude, away from the chicken plant, several hours late.

“I would like to thank the crew of that aircraft for their courage and cool determination, getting the plane to crawl through this sludge at air speeds as low as 25 miles per hour,” he said, “but traditional or not, we can’t afford to lose slots at Stansted because of Ptuj’s thick air.”  

In May last year a Ruinair 737 taking off from Puh became embedded in a low-level cloud of brownish-grey jelly containing chicken beaks and feet.  

Passengers were again shocked but unharmed, and were helped down ladders by 592 local firemen.  

Air traffic control public relations officer Duška Glaser admitted there had been some aviation problems involving airborne meats.   

“However, I and my family all enjoy a healthy chicken treat, and would not want to see traditional local air changed just to please foreigners,” she said.  

Aircraft identification had been affected as anything flying through Ptuj airspace turns brown and sticky, then tends to become covered in feathers.

This had resulted in several occasions where the slow-moving airliners were peppered with shotgun pellets by local hunters.  But Ms Glaser refused to lay any blame on Ptuj’s economic priorities.  

 “We think the problem is the jets,” she added.  “Ptuj air is not meant for use in modern jet engines.  “Its purpose, rather, is to dilute the effluents of a particular business interest in that town.   

“Propeller-driven aircraft are more reliable in high-protein flight environments and we offer a warm, fetid welcome to Ptuj visitors landing into Puh in these.”  

“Planes spoil the air anyway and do not even produce food,” added an emotional Ms Glaser.           


The internet does not support the transmission of smells.  However you could visit your nearest rendering plant to see what it smells like.  Click here to support Environmental Non-Tourism and Environmental Non-Investment. Choose any Slovenian business expert to explain that you don't want to go to Ptuj if it smells of chewed-up chicken shit, boiled bones, ground gizzards, broken beaks, fetid feet and lingering litter. Which it does. Click here now to self-select one email address at random and write a brief note explaining that you won't be coming. Everyone in Slovenia will hear about your message within a week.